Breaking: Kelly Slater Wave Co’s Next Wave Will Be A Close-Out

The logical next step in the future of surfing.

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After releasing footage of the Kelly Slater Wave Company’s first ever left-hander earlier today, a source close to the revolutionary wave-pool enterprise has revealed that Kelly Slater and his team of scientists and engineers are already working on their next secret big invention: A close-out.

“It’s been the plan from the outset,” said the source. “We’ve wanted to create as close to real waves and realistic surfing conditions as scientifically possible. And what’s more real than a shitty, crumbly, 2-foot close-out that’s just like your local every fucking day of the fucking year?”

The footage of the KS Wave Company’s second wave, in which Slater invites the world’s most stylish goofy-footer, Gerry Lopez to be the first surfer to ride the left-hander, went viral shortly after being released. Mr. Pipeline, as Lopez is famously known, surfs the the perfect, man-made left-hander with the same poise and grace he’s been famous for over four decades, a marvellous sight to see for surfing fans the world over.

Now that the Kelly Slater Wave Company has both a left and a right, it’s logical that the last remaining unexplored territory of surfing would be their next goal.

“It’s always been the dream to bring the beautiful world and activity of surfing to landlocked populations, and it’s amazing to think that one day in the future people in cities like London, Dallas, or Beijing too will know what it’s like to grow up as a frustrated, angry local, pulling their hair out day after bloody day.” said the source. “It’s amazing…,” he sighed.

Kelly Slater was the first person to be shown riding the original KS Wave Pool Co wave when he announced it back in December 2015. With Lopez, known for mastering iconic lefthanders such as the famous Banzai Pipeline and G-Land in Java, Indonesia, the first to ride the left, it is unknown who the candidate for riding the straight hander will be.

Many surfers are speculating, however, that perhaps a politician, such as former Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbot or Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, would be the perfect “surfers” to launch the wave, with their ability at going forwards in whitewater having been well celebrated.

A likely finish date for the Kelly Slater Close-out Project is as yet unknown.

Mike Jennings