BREAKING: MAN CHECKING SURF WITH COFFEE IN HAND SAYS HE’LL PROBABLY GO OUT LATER

“…when the tide comes in a bit.”

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A man who was spotted checking the surf this morning at Avalon Beach with a fresh cup of joe in hand reportedly refused to surf the adequate waves due to a lack of tide on northern bank, despite the fact plenty of other surfers found the conditions to be above average. According to eyewitnesses the man seemed much more interested in talking to dog walkers, looking at his phone and sipping his piping hot java than he did in suiting up and paddling out. “I don’t think he had any intention of surfing, in fact I think he was simply there to enjoy his perfectly blended imported Colombian cappuccino in his oversized Ralph Lauren cardigan and he should have damn well admitted as much,” said super curtain twitchy local resident Hugh Wyllie. The man was last seen driving away from the beach looking super peeved shortly after spilling the last few drops of his exquisitely percolated steaming mug of wakey juice on his cream coloured woolen knitwear. He was not seen surfing later when the tide filled in.

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Vaughan Blakey