Has nothing to talk about at coffee shop

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Vaughan Blakey, 41, Byron Bay, was left reeling this morning by the realisation he’d failed to submit a World Surf League Fantasy Team for the Billabong Pipeline Masters in Memory of Andy Irons. Currently ranked 47,888th Mr Blakey’s Fantasy Team omission now puts him at risk of falling outside the all-important top 50,000 WSL Fantasy Leaguers for the first time since 2012. “I’m absolutely shattered,” said Mr Blakey when contacted by the Surfing World website OH&S department. “Fantasy surfy team has given me so much to talk about with people I vaguely know who surf. What are we supposed to talk about now? Foiling? The Big Wave World Tour? Which commentators we hate most? I don’t know what to do. God help me, please.” Mr Blakey submitted Fantasy teams for the first three WSL events of the year during the Australian leg of the world tour and at one point even sent an email to competitor’s in his own group “In God’s Hands starring Shane Dorian” suggesting they should play for money. But the wheels soon fell off his 2017 campaign when he forgot to submit teams for Brazil, Fiji, Tahiti, J-Bay, California, France, Portugal and now Hawaii. “He always starts the year full of bravado, making grand claims that ‘this is my year!’ and ‘let’s chuck in $10 a comp?’ but it’s a given he’ll lose interest by the third or fourth event and that’s when the rest of us capitalise,” explained 2016 WSL Women’s Fantasy League runner-up Mike Jennings. Mr Blakey was last seen standing in line at the coffee shop not talking about surfing to anyone.

Vaughan Blakey