Illustration by Nanda Ormond

Have You Ever Wondered What Would Happen If Kai Otton Was Michel Bourez For A Day?

Wonder no more, surf fans

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SW: You have to delete your name from history and come up with a new one. What is the artist formerly known as Kai Otton now known as?
KO: Paul Finnegan. And I’d be master of coin at Aloha.

Which number is better 12 or 37?
37 because I’m a lot closer to 37 than I am to 12. Plus I like getting older. Having a grom is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

You’re in the final of the Pipeline Masters against Kelly Slater and just before the hooter he looks at you and says: “Hey Otto, I love you man.” What’s your reply.
But you don’t really even know me?

Everyone on tour must ride vintage single fins for a year. Who is World Champion and where do you place on the end of season ratings?
You never see the CT guys get on funky boards that much. The only tour guy I’ve ever seen do a turn on a single fin is Mick Fanning. So I’ll go with Mick.

You wake up inside the body of Michel Bourez. Describe your day…
“Today I spent half an hour staring in the mirror admiring my new body. Then I went surfing at Teahupoo. I saw Kai Otton out there looking a bit lost so I called him into a wave. He went and got a nice barrel… probably a 5.0. Then on the very next wave I parked my rig in a straight up 10.” That actually happened today.

You start a band with three members of the top 32. Who plays what, what are you called? What’s the style of music?
Jordy Smith is a great rapper and Adam Melling is good on uke, so we’d start a new genre: uke-hop. We’d be called The Hell Rigs because of our amazing physiques.

You get to choose a wave to add to the WSL World Tour. Where are we headed?
It’s have to be Macaronis or Pasta Point. The tour is desperately needing a rippable left.

You’re the editor of SW, who’s on the next cover and what’s the lead story?
Kai Otton cover to cover. I’m a selfish bastard and the incentives wouldn’t be too bad either.

Red Foo calls and wants his hair back. What do you tell him?
Only if you give me your glasses and teach me how to shuffle.

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