HAWAII NEARLY WIPED OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH BY MISSILES

But not really… LOL!

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Unless you’ve been hiding in a nuclear fall-out shelter since Trump became president (who’s laughing now, right?), then you would have heard that this past Saturday at 8:07am in the morning the Hawaiian Islands woke to the rather startling news that they were about to be wiped off the Earth by ballistic missiles. The warning came via text and TV alerts and was not corrected for near on 40 minutes, when a second message was sent out letting everybody know that in fact, there was no missile threat at all. LOL.

In the end it was all a simple mistake from an office worker at the Hawaii Emergency Mangament Agency however lover of all things conspiratorial Kelly Slater, was straight onto the gram:

So how does this happen? Was it a FalseFlag to gauge public reaction? Did #NorthKorea hack the system for fun or was it #SteveHarvey?! What took 38 mins to correct that ‘mistake’ via follow up warning? Did a missile get launched and blown out of the sky and do we have Star Wars defense capabilities (or does space not exist and there are no satellites for the flat earth minded 😀)? Who has their finger on the text button to send out an alarm like that (never mind it being 8am to start your day like that)? And is Trump or Kim Jong-un the bigger antagonizer in this back and forth? It’s a weird little game people play with each other and other people’s lives. I think we all want some answers but given the trust the average person I know has in government agencies, the answer will sound like more cover up than sensible response. I’m slightly confused but gonna go take cover in some barrels somewhere while I’m #WaitingForTheEndOfTheWorld (name that artist). Some funny replies from friends on second pic. 🏄🏽‍♂️🚀🛸 #AllWeAreSayingIsGive✌🏽AChance #FakeNews BTW…there are bombs coming this afternoon in the form of the #RocketManSwell. Everyone be careful and watch out for animals and kids near shorelines and keep an eye out for your friends in the lineup.

A post shared by Kelly Slater (@kellyslater) on


And the great sage has a point. With Trump and Kim Jong-Un threatening to nuke one another on a daily basis the fear of death by missile is not as unreasonable as it might sound. One man who was in the thick of the action was New Yorker and Pipeline warrior Balaram Stack who was staying in the world famous Volcom House right on the beach at Pipeline when news of certain death broke. We buzzed him to get the vibe.

SW: How are you Bal?
BS: I’m good, what’s going on?

Just enjoying life in Australia, a relatively safe distance from any ballistic missile threats.
Haha! For real.

So tell us what happened, because you went to bed thinking about the bombing swell that was coming and woke up thinking you were gonna get bombed into oblivion.
It all happened so quick. I woke up just like any other day, went down to Tai’s (Van Dyke) room and we were just chilling, he was packing getting ready to go to Maui, and suddenly Kaimana (Henry) comes in and says “Have you guys seen this?” So we jump on our phones and it says “Ballistic Missile threat inbound to Hawaii. Seek immediate shelter.This is not a drill.” So we run and turn the TV on and there’s an alert on the TV saying get away from the windows, get away from the doors, there’s a missile coming within minutes. And we’re just looking out the window going “WHAT THE FUCK!” Me and Tai looked at each other and we were just going… “What do we do? Uuuuuuuh… Uuuuuuuuhhh…” We were just dumbfounded man. We just couldn’t believe this was about to go down, but everything was telling us that it was.

Not the typical source of refuge, but if you’re Balaram Stack there’s no better place to bunker down than Pipe.

Did you run for shelter?
We were kinda just frozen. We didn’t really do anything because we were just thinking, “Man, nothing is gonna save us from a direct missile hit, doesn’t matter where we go. My first thought was grab what I could and head for the dungeon (notorious grom lair and scene of decades of severe grom punishment) and hopefully everything would be alright down there.

That must be the first time in the history of the Volcom House that the Dungeon was the safest place to be?
Haha! No shit.

With all the nuke fear playing out in the media between Trump and Kim Jong Un you don’t have to stretch the imagination too far to feel pretty terrified by a message like that.
That’s it. Even though we didn’t know what to do it felt so believable. I mean everyone on the whole island got that message. We weren’t exactly panicking, but at the same time we had no idea what to do. It was like, “Should we just hit the beach and bunker down and get front row seats to watch all this shit go down?” We were just clueless because, like… what can you do when you’ve got two minutes before a missile lands in your front yard?

It was around 40 minutes until the second message came through saying to disregard the first. Were you guys relieved when you read that or were you already over it by that stage?
Well we were watching the news and there was nothing on the news about it at all. The first warning was just an alert that comes up on your TV, same thing that happens when there are big storms and big swells coming. It’s an alert that appears on the screen. But that message disappeared kinda quickly and by the time the second message came through we were all kinda over it. By that stage we were just chilling and saying “Well that was fucken weird.”

What sort of conspiracy theories were getting thrown around in the wake of all of that?
As soon as we heard it wasn’t real that was kind of the end of it. But people were pretty pissed off. I heard that in Honolulu people were running around like chickens with their fucken heads cut off, running red lights and just losing their minds. Up on the North Shore though it was like, “Whatever.” Haha.

Takes more than a third reef roll in and a few ballistic missiles to rattle da boyz.
Haha! Yeah man. I mean, it was so real at first but it cooled off pretty quick.

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Vaughan Blakey