HEAVY: EDITOR COUGHS WHILE SIPPING HOT TEA

Vaughan Blakey, 40, Suffolk Park, NSW created pandemonium in Surfing World’s Avalon HQ today when he coughed at precisely the same moment he sipped his tea. The tea, a white with one, exploded all over his computer screen, keyboard, and diary and covered most of art director Corbin Nash’s desk. “It was frightening,” Corbin was overheard telling his mummy on the phone after the incident. “One minute I’m sitting there pretending to work but actually watching Drake videos on Youtube, and the next I hear this sound like the nozzle flying off a garden hose when you turn the water on too fast. Then everything was just sprayed in boiling hot brown liquid. It was just like my last holiday to Bali. I need a huggle.” Unable to comprehend the immense carnage created by what social media is now referring to as Bushellsgate, Vaughan is believed to have done nothing but sit like a useless tree stump when critical staining time could easily have been avoided. Surfing World is under growing pressure to provide reasons why an adequate response plan was not in place – such as always having CW editor Sally Macintosh’s beach towel within reach, a standard protocol for the cleaning of all office spills in the past.