Is Wilko’s face indicative of 90% of surfers's minds when it comes to understanding board design?

Study: 90% Of People Who Pick Up Surfboards To Chat Design Have No Idea What They’re Talking About

“Yep, yep, yep, yep… nup, don’t understand a word you’re saying.”

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An extensive study conducted by the University of Technology, Sydney, revealed today that an astounding 90 percent of people who pick up a surfboard and begin looking it over whilst chatting with friends about the merits of its specific design attributes actually have no what they are talking about. However, the study also revealed that looking over a surfboard a particular way – eg: nose to tail down the length of the stringer, both hands on one rail with board pressed perpendicular to the body to examine bottom curve – can have the reverse affect, making even the most clueless kook appear to be some sort of design guru. “These findings say a lot about who we are as surfers,” said Prof. Hugh Wyllie, head scientist at the UTS Department of Heaps Sick Stuff an’ That, Ay. “When it comes to surfing we all like to believe we are better than we are, that we surf better than we do, that we’re more connected to the natural world than regular people who don’t surf, and that our understanding of surfboard design doesn’t require any previous knowledge of mathematics, physics or fluid mechanics, but rather can be gleaned simply by smoking a spliffo and staring into the spirals of a Nautilus shell. Sadly, according to these findings, we’re mostly just a pack of wankers who don’t know shit about nuffin’, ay.” The study was conducted over 15 years costing taxpayers just shy of $13.5 million.

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Vaughan Blakey