How To Make A Kissy Kissy Lipstick Shirt

Everyone loves a good pash with the woman they love and back in the day Mylee Milkshake and me used to pash all over the place. On the take-off peak at North Narrabeen during the NN boardriders open final. In the Kombi while suffocating on petrol fumes coming up through the hole in the floor. We even pashed on the roof of our house surrounded by howling brushtail possums. They were our glory years for making out. Since then we’ve had two kids, so full-blown tonguey sessions have been put on the back burner, at least until after dinner time and the groms are in bed. After all we don’t want to scar Rocky for life, he’s a cool skate rat now, the last thing he wants to see is Mum and Dad necking over a vegetarian pasta. But while Mylee and I may not publicly go for it as much as we used to, we’ve found other ways to share our passion and this month I’m gonna show you how to make my favourite. It’s the Kissy Kissy Lipstick shirt.

Step 1: The first thing you’ll need is a plain white shirt. I got mine from the good folk at Volcom, but you could easily get yours from Craig Anderson’s clothesline, because he has to wash suitcases full of the things when he gets home from shredding Macaronis in them.

Step 2: The next thing you’ll need is lipstick. You could ask Creed McTaggart to borrow his, but he’s often away and he only wears black, so the next best idea is to go to the chemist or steal it from your Mum’s handbag like you did when you were four only this time DON’T EAT IT.

Step 3: Finally you’ll need some lips. Of course I use Mylee Milkshakes’ lips, the very same lips through which sweet songs and healthy mango salads pass through on a daily basis. Sorry but Mylee’s lips are off limits to anyone other than me unless you want to risk death by chainsaw dismemberment. Find your own lips.

Method: Once you have your main ingredients the next steps are easy. Simply put your white shirt on, apply generous coating of lippy to your loved one’s bush (French for pouty lips), then spin around in slow circles while your partner love kisses your entire shirt. Just be sure you do it after the kids go to bed. Young minds find it much harder to unsee everything.