Ozzie Wright Shows Us How To Make A Dead Rock ‘N Roller Tribute Tipi

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If there’s only one thing human beings need more than oxygen, food and water to survive on this slowly melting planet then it has got to be a Dead Rock ’n’ Roller Tribute Tipi.

I can’t remember why I bothered to get out of bed in the mornings before I erected my one in the front yard. Even my neighbours have rediscovered their lust for life just by peering over the fence at it. Joel Fitz, who lives in my backyard, wanted to put his shaping bay inside it and have an opening night party. In the end I had to say no because the Dead Rock ’n’ Roller Tribute Tipi is for me to run and hide in whenever the government men’s spy satellites and surveillance drones invade my airspace. They’re always watching, man. Always.

Step 1. The first thing you need when building a DRRTT is a nice clean king-size bed sheet. I didn’t have any clean ones at my place ’cause I haven’t had a shower for three years and I often eat cheeseburgers in bed at 3am. Luckily my cousins who live in Nimbin had plenty of king-size bed sheets because they often drag them through long grass collecting ticks for money.

Step 2. The next thing you need are long sticks of bamboo. You can get these from communist China where it’s believed the panda has long been extinct and the animals you now see in nature documentaries are nothing more than state-funded top-of-the-line Chinese robots. With no natural predators left to eat the bamboo there’s tonnes of the shit around, so help yourself to as much as you want.

Step 3. The next thing you need is paint. You can make your own paint by going to a creek and rubbing two stones together but that stuff will wash straight off when it rains. Or you can get cheap paint from Byron Swap and Sell.

Step 4. Finally, you need to pick which dead rock ’n’ rollers you want to feature on your tipi and believe me, this is not as easy as it sounds because rock ’n’ rollers die a lot. In the end, I chose the three most recent beloved icons to have left us… David Bowie, Lemmy Kilmister, and our very own Stevie Wright. R.I.P.

Step 5. Construction of your tipi must be done while listening to the music of the dead rockers featured on it. Simply tie your bamboo up at one end, splay the legs, then wrap the sheet around the frame as if it was a six foot rollie. Once you’ve painted the dead rock ’n’ rollers on your tipi let your kids compliment the design with bright fluoro finger-painted flashes and a giant black skull. Then take everyone inside and hide from all the invisible Wi-Fi streams that are slowly microwaving us alive.