Parko’s Retirement Party

SEAN DOHERTY IN HAWAII: “Joel got sent last night. Classy gig in the backyard here. Joel’s 14-year-old daughter Evie stole the show, her speech a classic, torching the old man but reducing him to tears in the process. Rob and Kirk from Metallica played. Kirk lives in Hawaii. Anyway, the band rocked last night. Joel got up to sing Hells Bells, grabbed the mic and realised he didn’t know a single word of it. They then broke into Sabbath’s War Pigs and the pit fired. Steph Gilmore was pushing around teenage boys. Parko got dropped on his head. Taylor Steele looked at me and said, “Thank god Herbie Fletcher’s in here so we’re not the oldest guys in this thing!”