THE UNLIKELY TRUTH ABOUT DUNCAN MCNICOL

SW: You wake up inside the body of a morning TV show host and have to interview Donald Trump… what’s your first question?
DM: Just cook him. Maybe I’d ask what his wife is up to?

If life was a dance move, what move would describe you best?
It would be the sprinkler, just going around in circles. That one sums me up perfectly.

If you could swap quivers with any surfer in history who would you choose?
Mark Richards.

You’re hitching to Byron and Kelly Slater pulls up. What happens next?
I’d be like “Hey man, I surf, let’s go for a wave!” Then he’d be psyching and we’d go for a surf. I’d tell him to go surf Tallows because I think if it’s like 6 foot and real heavy he’d be shredding. I couldn’t be bothered to go surf the wavepool or any of that shit.

Which number is better, 12 or 37?
12, because I played basketball when I was a grommet and I was number 12.

It’s the rock, scissors, paper world championships and you’re in the final against Gabby Medina, who wins and why?
I win, because I’ve only done rock every time. He looks like a scissors man to me.

You’re the Prime Minister of Australia, what’s the first law you pass in office?
I would ban ibises. I’d get them culled. Cull all ibises. Because they’re just a rotten little, burnt looking bird. Visually, they’re an intrusion. They’re an ugly bird.

You’re the editor of SW… Who’s on your first cover and what’s the cover line?
I’d put a random grommie from a suss little town down the South Coast who doesn’t even surf that good but who’d be totally frothing to get the cover. And the coverline is: Grommet does cover!

You’re cast as lead role in a kung fu blockbuster. What’s your character name and signature fight move?
I would be Mike Flame and I’d shoot lazers and flames out of my eyes; they would be big old lazer flames. And my catch phrase would be “You just got burnt!”

You and fellow Byron lad Garrett Parkes start a tribute cover band. What’s your band name? And who are you covering?
We’d be Mutrul and Herbie. I’m Mutrul and he’s Herbie, and we’d be singing country love songs together. I’m sure we’d get a gig. I reckon Herbie would go pretty good on the geetar. Maybe I’ll sing.