Illustration by Nanda Ormond

Does Dylan Graves Handle Monobrows?

Hypotheticals answered!

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SW: You have to write an album of songs about different pro surfers. Give us the name of the album and the name of three singles…
DG: The album would be called – Cutback 360. With singles such as:

“Oops Kelly Did it Again”

“Quit Playing Games with Priority”

“Who Let the Logs Out”

Trump toupée or Frida Khalo monobrow for the rest of your life?
Monobrow… I’m on my way already.

Which number is better 12 or 37?
12.

You’re the new president of the United States – what’s the first law you pass in office?
Money no longer exists.

You get to choose and surf in a WSL event at a new location… Where is it and how do you go in the comp?
The event is held at the wedge and I lose to a skim boarder in the first round.

If your feet were on your arms and your hands were on your legs, would you surf upside down?
I would certainly try.

You never learned to surf, describe your life now?
I just throw up non stop for no reason at all, my hair hurts, who’s eyeballs are these?

You wake up inside the body of John John Florence, describe your day?
I just won the Triple Crown and Surfer Poll Awards. I walk straight to my boat and sail into the sunset with a blazer and no pants on.

You’re the editor of the New York Times, what’s tomorrow’s headline?
Zoltan Torkos is leading the election.

You find a block of magic wax that can transport you to any session from any time in surfing history. Where and when are you going? Who are you shredding with?
Whenever and wherever they shot Surf Nazis Must Die and I’m shredding with all the surf nazis.

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